I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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