when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
