I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
