Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
