I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
