I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
