I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
