Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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