oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
