Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
