yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
