we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
