The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
