she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
