yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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