I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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