The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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