Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
