Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
