pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
