Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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