'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
