I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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