the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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