Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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