meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
