Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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