4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
