Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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