maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
