he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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