Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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