We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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