So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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