a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
