So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
