I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
