the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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