he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
