we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
