I think I won the penis lottery.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
