I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
