Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
