you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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