I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
