awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
