so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
