Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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