Me. At least after what I've been through.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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