went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
