She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
