I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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